Alright Bunnies. Today’s post is brought to you by a tragic turn of events in the great state of Texas. I have been instructed, by a boss filled with malice and singular lack of understanding of my personal style , to not only wear a POLO to an upcoming trade show, but to wear said polo… with pants. Or as he suggested “capris!!” (in a voice filled with the excitement of a mad scientist embarking on the creation of a new, terrible travesty of the natural world.)

Oh, and before I forget. He also had ideas on my shoewear. Sandals. But “nice ones, not the ones that flip.”

Ladies, this is very, very bad.

So. Sigh. I’ll say it right now. I’m not wearing pants. I can’t bring myself to do such a thing. Ick. Of all the unflattering garments I could wrap around my hips, pants, ‘KHAKI’ pants, are not happening. I will admit to owning two pairs of ‘capris’ (I call ’em crops.) One pair is a grrranimals-appopriate shade of magenta that was rejected as trade-show appropriate by the current bane of my existence. My only other pair of crops was rejected by yours truly, as they are the cargo-style with strings that are my dog walking pants. Which, incidentally, is what I think crops are usually only appropriate for – kickin’ it with the dog and/or while doing weekend chores when I run the risk of accidentally getting my circle skirt wet while cleaning the toilets.

So, before we commence with trade show skirt-as-khaki pattern plotting… I have to ask. Does anyone out there generally wear dresses and skirts like I do? Thanks to on again, off again ‘what she wore’ photos I’m well aware of how I look in trousers, and I just don’t think it’s a nice silhouette on me. My narrowest spot is closer to my bust than my waist, so most trousers hit at an unflattering spot. Take that, mix it in with a polo that really needs tucking, and pants just aren’t awesome. So… what’s a girl to do when she bumps up against pant-wearing expectations? I personally think that a khaki skirt is interchangeable for khaki trousers, but my boss isn’t as much on the skirt bandwagon. I think, perhaps, it strikes some people as strange that I don’t really own trousers. Boss-in-question appeared genuinely surprised when I told him that what I wear at work is what I wear at night and on weekends. So. Who out there is a dress-wearing-freak willing to draw the line at unflattering capris? We’re not even going to discuss the non-flopping sandal issue.

Let’s talk patterns. The polos that the ‘girls’ got are sort of OK. For polos. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they still make me feel like I’m choking, but they aren’t like boy-polos. There’s a yoke with some odd pleats and a buttonless placket. They make the ‘assets’ look a bit low slung, but I’m stuck with it. I TOTALLY asked if I could alter the neckline, but for SOME REASON that was denied too!!

Here’s the sad polo in question. This is the black one. The grey one looks exactly the same. For reals.

And here’s a close up to show the awesome yoke-pleat combo. I gotta admit, I don’t even understand the thought process that went into this design. “Hey! Let’s put a YOKE on a GOLF SHIRT but add in odd PLEATS!!

I promise. You’ll see photos of me in said shirt. But not tonight. Tonight I’m still getting used to the idea that I’ll be leaving the privacy of my own home wearing this beast. I’m sure you see why the pants/capri initiative got a big thumbs down from me. You know who I’d look like if I wore this shirt and a pair of khakis??

This guy… uh, girl?

[image Wikipedia/SNL]

Let’s get down to damage control pattern picking. So I’ve got this polo and would like a skirt a bit higher waisted, made from fabric closer to chinos than crepe. You know – heaver khaki.

My FIRST thought was the Beignet from Colette.

Cute, would probably work well with a thicker, stiff cotton, right? Two problems. First, getting the button placement is a pain in the ASTERISKS, and the next show is in two weeks. My first Beignet took six months to finish due to button placement dread. Secondly, it’s a little short. I hate flying with above-the-knee skirts, because then I’m flashing thigh on the plane. In close proximity to strangers. Potentially inebriated strangers.

Another thought was, of course, the Jenny

Totally do-able. I could lengthen just a bit to ease back on the bright, white, airplane thigh, but it just feels WRONG to make a pencil skirt in such a casual fabric.

So then I was thinking of a sort of pseudo-Jenny. AKA – take the Jenny, add a bit of length and a fly/belt loops to make a sort of denim-skirt wanna-be. Totally a thought and very likely what I’ll end up doing, but it’ll involve extra drafting that I’m too lazy too do – especially because I really want to add belt loops to facilitate stay-put belting. I’d really like to start from a pattern. Let’s take a little looksie at the big 4, shall we?

Butterick… strike. Not one skirt pattern in the right size range. NEXT!!

McCall’s… strike two. Again… only skirt patterns are odd and elastic waisted… Sigh. Now I remember why I started messing around making patterns work for me… NEXT!!

Vogue… who’s that crazy designer? Sandra Betzina? Sometimes she has good options! OK, maybe not… I briefly considered V1292, but it’s just too odd and wouldn’t work with the crisp, thick fabric.

Simplicity? Can you help me???

Ugh. Side note. SO ANNOYING that they don’t have the patterns broken down by the same categories (aka SKIRTS!) with the larger size ranges. Bastards.

Huh. OK, so 2058 COULD be an option, except that I know that that particularly silhouette isn’t that great on me…. moving on.

The vintage  number 4044 is an option, but an A line skirt without a proper wide waistband is really not the most flattering either. And not really the right silhouette for trade show garb, right?

Sigh. Hot Patterns. Let’s see what Hot Patterns has…

SCORE! Oooooo… check out HP 1004, Metropolitan Sleek and Chic Skirt. Hmmmm… let’s see if I can find any real life examples. I hate those unrealistic drawings…

Harumph. Couldn’t find anything. And now that I look at it, the waistband isn’t quite right. I may as well redraft the Jenny, right?

Alright folks! That’s it! Plotting done. A Jenny hybrid. Next up, getting the pattern right and finding some fabric…

 

 

 

 

 

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